Feelings

I often wonders what it feels like to feel.
What does it feel like to care about someone else?
My mother asks me why I don't care about her.
I think that I should.
She does so much for me.
But she asks me if I love her so much, why don't I help her?
Help around the house?
Should I do that if I love her?
Should I want to waste time doing pointless tasks?
I don't like tears.
Tears open up a void in my throat that hurts.
Tears make me feel for a moment.
And its scary.
But then the moment is gone and I wonder why it was there.
I wonder where it went.
I've opened my heart and it's just a hole in my chest.
A big, black, gaping hole where all the light gets drawn in and eaten.
I don't care.
I don't care about you.
I don't care about your feelings.
I don't care if you cry.
I don't care about people.
I don't care about the world.
The world can die for all I care.
All I care about is me.
But sometimes...
Sometimes I wonder what feelings feel like.